OVERCOMING ADVERSITY SERIES (5)

RELEASE YOUR PAST

¹³Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, ¹⁴I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13-14)

When adversity hits, it’s very easy to dwell on the past, especially when we encounter difficulties in trying to climb out of it. We look back and reminisce what good times we had, how life was good, even if not better and stuff like that. Some even call it “the good old days.”

They then develop what I call the “if mentality.” If I had not gone there, if I hadn’t got on that plane, if only I had stayed at home, if I had done that investment, if I hadn’t entered that relationship, if I’ve had a better education, and it goes on and on and on...As you can see, it’s all about the past and we clearly do not have any control over it.

All of us have a past – a past that brings up fond memories as well as ones that throw up unpleasant hurts and pain. The truth about our past is that it is over...there is nothing we can do to change it. It is gone forever. But anytime we think about it, we bring it back into the present moment. When we do that, instead of feeling empowered we are rather held back and shackled from taking massive action that moves us towards a better future.

Your past is no haven; it's a dingy prison!

If we keep hanging on to the issues of our past it will be a millstone around our neck, which will stop us from reaching our desired future. When we linger on past difficulties we are robbed of the power to create the future we desire. The past cannot be changed; only the future can be changed. The past is about powerlessness and futility; the present is about action and creation.

If you were to “visit” the past it should be with the intention of learning from the past. Let the past be simply a marker for what you will no longer stand for, or want to be, or how you no longer want to act. Do not let your past hold you back and sabotage your destiny.

You see, we were born with eyes in the front of our heads. If we were meant to live in the past, with blame or fault finding, we just might as well have eyes at the back of our heads. Our very design tells us that we were made to move forwards. Our bodies are articulated better for forward movement.

Many people cannot go on with their lives because they haven’t faced and dealt with the issues of their past. There hasn’t been any satisfactory resolution to past issues. One cannot have a meaningful life without proper closure to the past. As long as unresolved issues from your past are creating emotional upheaval in your life, you will not be truly in charge of your life.

While it is true that past experiences can be upsetting and very painful, allowing them to remain unresolved is to continue to decide not to be in charge of who you are, where you want to go and what your life is all about.

Even if you have problems, even if you have done things you regret, or have made mistakes, or have not played a part in the events that precipitated your past conditions, your whole life still lies ahead of you. You can recreate who you want to be. You can define where you want your life to go now. It’s your choice.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking your past is the problem. You past is not the problem; your response to your past is the problem.

So, how can one respond to the past appropriately and deal with it successfully? It is one of the hardest things to do in life. But the following suggestions may be helpful to anyone who struggles to overcome the difficult circumstances of the past:

Acceptance: you have to accept that the past is what it is - it happened, it is gone and nothing can be done to change it in anyway. It is now part of your life, but not the most important part of your life. Until we accept that reality we are never going to be able to take full control of our lives and drive towards a better future. It is a fact one has to accept and move on. Living in denial and anger will keep us locked there and rob us of power to create a desired future.

Awareness: be aware of your thoughts. When you find your thoughts dwelling on the past, gently draw your thought to the present. This is important because we become what we think all the time. In other words, we are the product of our most dominant thoughts. Our thoughts shape our lives.

Forgiveness: forgive yourself of your part in your past. You also have to forgive all those involved with your past – everyone, and anything. Do not ruminate on what you could have or should have been or done. Listen to the ancient prophet: “Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old” (Isaiah 43:18).

Let the light shine in: this is an exercise of self disclosure. For you to stop being troubled by things that happened in your past, you must be able to disclose yourself to at least one person. You must be able to get those things off your chest. You must rid yourself of those thoughts and feelings by revealing them to someone who won’t make you feel guilty or ashamed for what has happened.

Embrace the present: you have to live in the present. It is in this moment that you can begin the creation of the conditions you prefer. If you are going to have a colourful future you have to start painting portions now.

Dig out the lesson: there is always a lesson in any experience. You have to find it and learn from it.

Explore a new world: your old world is gone; you can create a new one. Focus forward on what can be done, on where you want to take your life and what you want to achieve. Do not waste your time dealing with things you cannot control. Apostle Paul knew that when he said: “this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.” (Philippians 3:13)

Use positive confessions/affirmations: "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof" (Proverbs 18:21). Whatever you call your situation, so shall it be for you. Friend, your words create your world. So do not speak negatively about yourself, your abilities and your conditions. Reframe your thinking and words and you will unleash the power of change into your life.

I hope these tools are helpful. May God Almighty grant you the grace to deal with your past and come out stronger. You are better than you know or can imagine. Please do come over again and take a read of the next post in the series. I will talk about how you can embrace the present. Stay empowered! Every blessing…

OVERCOMING ADVERSITY SERIES (4)

THE POWER OF PERSPECTIVE

Adversity is inevitable; all of us are set to face setbacks and various challenges in life. No one is exempt. It is only the dead who do not experience any challenges. Challenges are for the living. Job, the ancient biblical sage observed, “Man born of a woman is of a few days and full of troubles” (Job 14:1). There is always going to be challenges and obstacles to overcome but we will come up tops, if we maintain a proper perspective of the situation.

How we choose to view our circumstances and our challenges in life determines both our direction and our outcome. In other words, your perspective today will determine both your destination and rewards, or otherwise tomorrow.

Everyone can have an optimistic outlook on life when all is going well. However, many people resort to a pessimistic outlook on life when in adversity. The way you choose to handle present difficulties will impact on your future outcomes. You can both wallow in misery and dwell on the negative aspects of your situation or you can find the benefit or lesson that the problem is offering.

If you are to experience any success you will need to position your mindset for it. See yourself solving the problem you are confronted with and succeeding. When you do this, even in the midst of adversity, you will find solutions and you will achieve success.

Choose Your Perspective

We have no control over a lot of things in life. We don't get to choose our parents or the circumstances of our birth and upbringing. But we do choose our perspective. We have the power to determine our perspective on life. Our perspective must not necessarily mirror our circumstances, especially, if these are less than ideal. In other words, our perspective doesn't have to be a mere reflection of the moment we are currently experiencing.

You can bring change to your situation by the way you choose to see it. The quality of what you see depends on the perspective from which you see it.

See moments of crisis or adversity as an opportunity to make something greater happen. I understand the Chinese word for crisis is weiji, made up of two words – wei, which means danger and ji, which means opportunity. It is up to you to choose on which side of the divide you fall. Don’t think about what adversity has taken from you. Instead think of what you have and what you can do.

Friend, you are never without hope in any adversity. There is always a way out. Napoleon Hill observed that, “Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.”

When we shift how we look at something, we open the door to new possibilities. There’s always a flip side to the difficulty. You see, a “problem” is often not a problem at all. It may actually be an opportunity. For instance, a problem may point out an adjustment you can make to improve certain conditions in your life. Without the problem, you never would have taken this positive action.

There is a tale about these two shoe salesmen who travel to a third world country in search of new business opportunities. One man calls his wife the moment he lands, telling her, “Honey, I’m coming back home. There’s no hope here. Nobody here is wearing shoes, so there’s no one to sell to.” He boards the next flight home.

The second man calls his wife and says, “Honey, you wouldn’t believe what I found here. There is so much opportunity. No one here is wearing shoes. I can sell to the whole country!”

See how powerful perspective is. The first man could not notice the huge opportunity because he did not have the right perspective of the situation. The other saw the same situation yet saw great opportunity because he interpreted the situation differently.

Ever read the Bible story about the twelve spies that were sent out to spy the land of Canaan (Numbers chapters 13 & 14)? Ten brought an evil report which stirred a whole nation negatively. Caleb and Joshua were the only two who had a good report. All twelve saw the same thing but two had a different perspective to what they saw. The Bible says, ‘they had another spirit.’ In other words they had a different way of looking at things.

They assigned a different meaning to what confronted them. They chose to walk by faith and not by sight. They did not deny the reality of what was before them; they only proffered a different view and meaning to that reality. They chose to follow God’s promise and refused to let their circumstances dictate to them what they should see and do.

Dear friend, the way you look at things (events, situations, circumstances) and the meaning you give to it goes a long way in determining the decisions and choices you make. In other words, your perspective influences your decisions.

Decide to see and interpret things differently from what is. When you do that you will empower yourself to take total charge of your life and influence your environment positively, as opposed to your environment influencing you. Get some fresh eyes and look at the same thing as it is but understand it differently.

It is important to note that success or failure is not determined by the number of challenges we face, rather by the way we choose to view and approach our challenges. Will you take the “lemons” of life and make lemonade with them or will you suck on them and make a sour face?

You can turn your perspective into a tool to overcome your present challenges or a tool to perpetuate them. So, your perspective can make or break you. You choose!

May God help you choose the right perspective in every situation you find yourself; for therein, is your victory. Every blessing...

OVERCOMING ADVERSITY SERIES 3

The Power of Gratitude

“In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Gratitude is one of the most powerful tools at our disposal to overcome adversity and create a desirable future. It is easy to be thankful when everything is going on well in your life. How about when things are not going on well in our lives?

If you are overwhelmed right now by challenges in your life, it can be really difficult to find things to be grateful for. When life seems to be dumping hardships all over you, feeling grateful may seem as something far beyond reach for anyone.

So, how can someone stay thankful when adversity visits?
Start by being thankful for what you have. You need to recognise what you have if we are to experience the victory you desire over adverse circumstances. You are never without anything...there is always something you can be thankful for. Always!

When adversity visited Job (he lost everything except his life and his wife in one day), his initial response was to show appreciation to God and bless Him. Take a read:

"Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, and said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.” (Job 1:20-21)

When Apostle Paul and his associate were beaten and cast into prison for doing no wrong, they did not allow their crisis to put them down. They praised God in that situation and God brought them deliverance.

“And at midnight Paul and Silas prayed, and sang praises unto God: and the prisoners heard them. And suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken: and immediately all the doors were opened, and every one's bands were loosed” (Acts 16:25-26).

We can use the same example (call it strategy, if you like) to experience our desired change. Complaining and blaming all other is not going to help you overcome the situation. It will rather perpetuate it. But when you unleash the spirit of gratitude you will feel empowered to take charge of your life.

When faced with adversity, decide to appreciate what you already have. Your appreciation will help you build the capacity to learn, grow and overcome, not only in the face of adversity, but because of it.

So, when you feel like things are not going the way you want, that you haven’t got what you want, that things seem not to be turning out as you intended or desire, try this: Focus your attention on what you do have. If you focus intentionally on what you have in your life that you value, you create new value. In other words, you will find new and greater significance for it. To put it simply, what you appreciate, appreciates.

On the other hand, if you focus your thought and attention on what you might have lost as a result of adversity, you will feel incapacitated and that will only serve to magnify the problem and prolong the pain. You will be robbed of the power to initiate change and thus perpetuate the problem, if not made worse.

Focus rather on things you are thankful for. As you begin to focus on the resources you have (for example, supportive friends and family, your ability to think, your education and training, etc) for which you are thankful, you open yourself up to new opportunities and possibilities.

When you cultivate an attitude of gratitude, you will not only transform your world, but also the world of those around you.

I see God do for you what he did for Paul and the others as you put on the attitude of gratitude irrespective of your circumstances. You shall experience divine help. Have a great day, and look forward to the next post in this series. (See also my blog post on "Be Thankful").
Every blessing...

OVERCOMING ADVERSITY SERIES 2

THE POWER OF CHOICE

In his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, Dr. Victor Frankl wrote: “...everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of all human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” So we are never without power. While we cannot choose our conditions, we are entirely free to choose our response to those conditions.

When adversity visits your life, you have two choices: to be a victim or to be a victor. Either we choose to be responsible for the life we create or we shirk our responsibility by blaming others or events for our failures and unhappiness.

Those who choose to be victims allow life circumstances to get them down, and they spend their lives asking others to redress the grievances life has dealt them. Victims are needy and demand to be served.

On the other hand, those who choose to be victors don't find life to be a struggle. They find it to be exhilarating. They don't encounter problems; they merely face things they wish to change. When they find something blocking their way, they look for a way to get around it or to overcome it. In a word, they look for, and find, solutions.

Victims are experts at looking for excuses. They almost delight in finding others and events to blame. Instead of looking for solutions, they doggedly search for excuses. They blame anything or anyone else for their problems. They refuse to get involved in finding a solution because they are, after all, victims.

People who believe they are victims say that the only way for their lives to change for the better is when other people get better, or if the socio-economic and political environment improves. They give a plethora of excuses to explain why they are in their very situation. Just listen to them talk and you will know their thinking and mindset.

The truth is, for as long as we keep thinking that it is not our fault, that it’s someone’s or something else’s, we will continue to feel helpless and powerless. By continuing to play the victim, we will completely be at the mercy of our environment or situation. We rob ourselves of so much power (the power to initiate change) by playing the victim. Most of the time the outside world will not change...not until we change first!

Victors, on the other hand, rise above the challenges they encounter. They rebound from life's hardships with newfound strength, and they use their strength to overcome their situation and serve those around them.

“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them.” – George Bernard Shaw

Why do so many people choose to be the victim? The reason, I guess, is that we get lots of sympathy, don't we? We also want to feel assured that we were in the right by justifying our own actions. Though it seems beneficial, the cost of doing so is high. The fact is, for as long as people convince themselves to be the victims of circumstance, blame something or someone else, they will never be able to take charge, learn from their experiences, move on and change their lives for the better.

Becoming a victim to your circumstances or situation is a choice. It really is! You can rise up today and choose to be a victor. May the Lord empower you with divine wisdom and strength to help you rise above your current challenges. You are a Victor, and not a Victim. Every blessing...

OVERCOMING ADVERSITY SERIES 1

Triumphing Over Adverse Conditions

A crisis is an event, or a circumstance, or a situation that impacts and influences your life, over which you have no control, or you are not the cause of, or responsible for.

There are different kinds of crises – financial, family, business, personal, health, etc. Whatever crisis you encounter, you can overcome. In other words, you can succeed in dealing with that problem, or difficulty, or misfortune and effectively change your circumstances for the better. The challenge really is in knowing how to overcome those conditions and live victoriously after.

Adversity is Unavoidable
It is imperative for one to recognise that adversity is part and parcel of life. Everywhere you look there are challenging situations - pain, loss, suffering, stress, and other difficulties. Some mistakenly think that by virtue of being Christians they are somewhat exempt from adversity. King David observed that “many are the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord delivers him out of them all” (Psalm 39:19).

Jesus never promised anyone a trouble-free life. He told His disciples, “...in this world you will have trouble...” (John 16:33). So, regardless of one’s consecration adversity may hit you. One’s faith in God doesn’t necessarily exempt you from adverse situations; it rather positions you for continual triumph.

Now, if adversity is unavoidable, then we must know how to deal with it when we encounter them. King Solomon reveals that, "if thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small" (Proverbs 24:10). In other words, if you give in to discouragement and despair in the day of adversity (time of trial, or temptation or crisis), then your strength is small. So your ability to withstand adversity and overcome is directly linked to the measure of strength you posses.

Ancient Greek philosopher Epictetus once said: “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” I couldn't agree with him more.

In this presentation, my intention is to deliver into your hands tools you can use to surmount your present challenges and bring to pass your desired change. So, please come with me and let’s take a look in the toolbox and learn how we can effectively apply these power tools.

I will put each power tool under The Overcoming Adversity Series heading. I hope you find the information helpful. Watch out for the next post in the series on The Power of Choice. May God strengthen you to live victoriously. Every blessing...

BE THANKFUL

“In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” – (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

It is easy to be thankful when everything is going on well in your life. How about when things are not going on well in our lives? We tend to focus on those who seem to have it all, while worrying and complaining about our situation. We talk about what we don’t have, what could have been or what should be. You see, if the grass is greener on the other side, the water bill might be high too. You only need to look around very well to see how fortunate you are compared to others.

We must learn to be thankful for what we have in life even though that might not be all we desire. Someone has said that accepting your lot in life is not about resigning yourself to unhappiness; it’s about not wasting time wishing for what you do not have. American deaf-blind author, political activist and lecturer, Helen Keller, echoes similar sentiments when she said: “So much has been given to me; I have not time to ponder over that which has been denied.”

Each time you find yourself complaining about something, re-direct your focus to something you are grateful for. Make a habit of transforming your awareness of troubles into an awareness of abundance. Apostle Paul advises: “in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

I concede that certain life circumstances and events can be so bad and soul crushing that sometimes one wonders if there is really a God of love. I guess what Apostle Paul is saying is that be thankful, not for the event itself but for the grace to go through it. Friend, God will not allow you to go through something for which he knows you have no capacity to handle.

1 Corinthians 10:13 says: “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” Again he says: “…God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work.” (2 Corinthians 9:8)

It is even more reassuring and refreshing that God’s intention even in an unpleasant situation is to turn it to our advantage. Listen to Apostle Paul: “…we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

Friend, there is something you have when you think you have nothing. If you look hard enough you will find it and be grateful. Gratitude opens us up to new opportunities and possibilities. Go on...and be thankful!