Friendship is a basic human need. God has created us with a desire for companionship. That’s why he said: “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). The Psalmist observed that God sets the solitary in families (Psalm 68:6).
The relations we get in this world are blood related. The only relationship, which does not relate to blood, is friendship. Thus the saying you don’t get to choose your parents and siblings, but you get to choose your friends. All of us want and need friendships. A friend can help fill many needs in our lives. The need for:
Signs of Genuine Friendship
1. Showing kindness towards each other
2. Caring about what is really best for each other, and will have the courage to speak up if a friend is doing something that could be harmful to them and/or others
3. It is built on loyalty and trust. When you have problems a true friend will stand with you and won’t tell the whole world about what you’re going through.
4. You will give of your time, energy and other resources and will feel good about being able to help.
Signs of False Friendship
1. Exploitation (when one person is used by the other; it is based on self interest)
2. Insincerity (saying or doing things that you don't really mean)
3. Compromise (not being true to your values in order to please someone else)
4. Disloyalty or lack of loyalty (not staying by someone when they really need you)
Effects of False Friendship
- Needs are not met.
- It's hurtful and frustrating.
- Experiences can carry over into future relationships because you mistrust the motives of people you would want to trust
Friendship has many forms and shapes. Like water or any other liquid, it takes the shape of its container. If you pour the water into a jug it takes the shape of the jug. If you pour the same water into a bowl it takes the shape of the bowl. In the same way friendships will take different shapes and sizes according to our heart’s disposition. There are four basic levels of friendship.
1. Acquaintances
An acquaintance is a person whom one knows slightly; a person with whom one has been in contact but who is not a close friend. Acquaintances are the people you say ‘hi’ to when passing. These are people you see regularly, you know their names and a bit about their lives, you share small talk with them about sports, the weather, fashion, politics etc. They make a pool of potential friends.
2. Casual Friends
These are the people with whom you are comfortable sharing activities and interests. Most friends that you make in a lifetime are casual friends. Casual friends come and go. We find them at work, at school and in many different walks of life. Casual friends are important because there aren’t any emotions involved in a casual friend.
3. Close friends
It takes time and commitment to arrive here. You trust their input and value their opinions.
4. Intimate friends
These are very special and rare friends. You will be fortunate to have five intimate friends in a lifetime. Intimate friends know your weaknesses but are willing to be understanding, challenge you to do or be better, accept the difference between the two of you and will always be there. They may be of the same or opposite sex. You can tell them secrets and not have them told.
When you know the level of each person you relate to, you will be able to avoid some of the stuff that hurts us. Some of the folks you think are close friends may actually be casual friends. In any case, do they consider you as a close friend? So, do an assessment of your friendships and you will be able to know how you are going to relate to people.
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